I cannot pin point exactly when this began but I seem to have a mantra – “This is my life and no one else has to live it but me.” It is a little reminder for me when I start feeling anxiety coming on. It brings me back to earth and allows me to remember the big picture when I start stressing over my list of to-dos, which tend to pile up quickly. It really is a stupid little thing and perhaps a borderline tick but it helps me manage my stress. This week and the next 10 weeks or so I have a feeling I will be saying this mantra a lot.
I have not had the best week. I went from feeling full of excitement to feeling like a brick is sitting on my heart. This happens a lot when I have a major change in schedule, which is my current state. This week I have a major deadline for website comps, I am helping out with an art show, and I have started taking a new class to be trained to teach online. I have my regular teaching, subbing at the art council, running around with the girls, to dance, school, birthday parties and other day-to-day rituals.
The issue at hand is really the course I am taking. I am thrilled for the opportunity to take this class but after spending 3 years working towards another degree while juggling a new home, pregnancy, babies, teaching a new subject and just surviving I feel burnt out. I think this is justified as I spent 4 years in undergrad, 2 years in grad school, 2 years for my teaching certification and 3 years on my associates in web design. With only 2 months upon finishing my last degree I am in school yet again. I was expecting a fairly lite workload but upon looking at the syllabus and course requirements I will be working quite hard over the next 3 months.
Another unrelated issue, on Sunday I injured my quad playing rec soccer. I thought it was going to be a game changer as it was painful to the touch and was locked up for hours. I am a slow healer so I was shocked how well I have felt over the past two days. This injury has only complicated my virtual half marathon. I registered to run a half marathon this week as a fundraiser for the families that lost loved ones in the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary. I was planning on breaking up my half marathon into two 6.5-mile runs but this plan has had to evolve. Instead I will be walking 3 to 4 miles a day over a four-day period. I am happy to walk or run through the pain for this cause.
Our first month is wrapping up and I hear my little mantra in my head. This is my life and it is not always easy but I love it. I have to make sure that I think about my needs sometimes as I put others before my own. I need to remember that I cannot get back the days, hours and minutes that are wasted feeling worried or stressed. I look back at our first month and I am so proud of what we have accomplished and humbled by my blog-mates. I have a hard week to come but when I look at what I am accomplishing I am so proud and happy for the opportunities that have come my way. I know once my routine is set I will run along like a well-oiled machine, chugging along happily but for now I am hearing my little mantra and trying to breathe.