Right now, it’s Sunday night, and for me, that often means crashing…hard. I haven’t touched my list of things to do for work, and I feel the stress of that, but I’m trying to keep it at bay. Newman’s sons are coming over with some friends for the Superbowl, and he’s in the kitchen cooking up a storm of chili, wings, and nachos. I just ate a plate of tomato, mozzarella, and avocado; my full belly is helping me concentrate on getting some things done before everyone arrives.
I’m still trying to find my voice in this blog and figure out what it is I want to say, what it is I want to work on–what it is I want to be other than what I have to do. So far, I think this writing work I’m doing is about finding perspective in my life. I was excited to be invited to participate in this project, and I’ve found it incredibly meaningful to re-connect with one Kristen and get to know the other better. In my typical local comings and goings, I have a couple of close female friends at work, and of course I have my sisters to connect with, but it’s really rewarding to have girlfriends that you connect with outside of your usual circles. They can teach you new things and inspire you to get outside of your routine ways of thinking. The Kristens are doing an excellent job of motivating me and keeping me chugging along on this blog, but I will freely admit that sometimes I feel like a complete slouch compared to these two women. They are both very accomplished and both very busy, yet they continue to set new goals for themselves and keep their lives going at top speed.
I admit to moments where I find myself starting to get envious or down because I feel I should be doing more. I have to check myself in those moments and remind myself what it’s all about. When Kristen and I were in college, I remember clearly coming to the realization that she was the kind of friend I wanted to always have close in my life. She was one with whom I could share the low points and celebrate the high points. Although we made room in our relationship for healthy competition and lashings of humor, the relationship was never negative for me in the way some female relationships can be. I don’t know how to exactly communicate it–and I will have to return to try to do a better job later–but basically, it has to do with women raising each other up or pulling each other down. Kristen has always raised me up, and that is why we are still friends all these many years later. How many, you ask? Well, 2013 just happens to mark our 20th year of friendship. Kristens, how many years is it for you two? We will all celebrate together at some point this year (and blog about it, of course), but for now, I am just happy to mark it as 20 and counting…
Tonight, I want to stave off the Sunday night blues by counting my blessings and setting some small goals. Here are some things going on in my world that are giving me perspective right now.
- Last night, my friend Miranda drove a long way with her husband and daughter to have dinner with me, Newman, and Free. It was her first time at my new home, and we had a lovely dinner together. Even though I love to get together with friends, I usually get stressed out when I have to host anything, but last night, I just felt relaxed and happy. I was eager to be with my friends and decided not to let anything burst the bubble of that excitement. At the moments when little doubts started to creep in (Are they having fun? Is the food ok? Is this worth them making the long drive?), I worked on just trusting that everything was fine and allowing myself to experience the joy of the night. BLESSING: I have close friends I can count on and enjoy being with. Newman, Miranda, and her husband Doug are bonding well too, and it’s really, really nice. GOAL: I want to practice just enjoying myself more. There’s so much to enjoy.
- Free had her first hockey game today! I was lucky enough to watch her and was feeling it all. She has worked hard in practice all season, and to see her skating around with her stick, getting some contact with the puck and trailing the action was so fun. Her team got killed by another team, and I was almost feeling bad about it until she came sailing off the ice, totally pumped to high-five me and celebrate her first game with the team. I fought the urge to give her pointers (what the hell do I know anyway?) and asked what it was like to be out there. She told me the hardest thing was just staying standing while others were moving all around you and hitting you as they tried to get the puck. “It doesn’t hurt, mom; it’s just by accident, but you have to work to stay standing.” BLESSING: I have a superstar kid who knows how to count her own blessings. GOAL: Ask her more questions and pay attention to her answers. She can teach me a few things.
- This is the second week that I have done four workouts. That is major for me given the seasonal challenges; I was having a tough time coming up to the three-a-week mark for a while. Combined with the Ab challenge, I actually am starting to remember that exercise eventually makes you feel good. BLESSING: I am in decent shape now and bathing suit season is still months away. GOAL: Feed my body with better food so it can keep basking in its glorious-ness.