I have been spending so much time running around, staying up late, working on the never ending list of to dos at my computer and just keeping the daily home and work running that I feel like I have neglected my girls. I have been taking care of all of their needs and running them from one activity to the next but fun has been limited in the house. The horrible colds that have hit are partially to blame but my workload and Matt’s schedule are also at fault. I told one of my sisters today that I felt as if I crossed a finish line of a marathon and someone told me I had to run another. Frustrated, tired, annoyed, exhausted, and overwhelmed are the terms that keep showing up in my blogs. It is all for a good cause and the things I can drop I don’t want to as they are things that are just for me, like playing soccer with friends on Sunday afternoons. I can hunker down and deal with constant work but it is hard when I feel as if I am not providing my daughters with all of me in the present moment. When this happens I stop and play hooky for a day or two.
Friday I pulled LP out of preschool and we headed for a day with grandma and grandpa. I tried to leave my phone and computer out of site so I would not get wrapped up in texting or checking work emails. On Saturday we spent the day with friends celebrating LP’s best friend’s 5th birthday. I left my phone in my purse and I did not touch it for 8 hours. Amazing! We had a great weekend full of family and friends. I still was up late working and tying desperately to keep up with all of my work without it allowing to conflict with the fun of the weekend.
I decided today I would just take a few candid shots of my girls. The session started as a frustrating battle. The girls were exhausted from all the fun of the weekend and from staying up late two nights in a row. My girls battle each other and fight like cats and dogs when they are tired or ill, (literally the pretend to be animals and attack one another) but no one would guess either of these girls has a temper. They did not even want to stand next to each other for five seconds to get their pictures taken together. Through some mother trickery they ended up having a good time but listening to my directions was not part of the fun. It was great to see them play and roll around on the floor and join in on the fun.
I come from a large wonderful family with many sisters. My sister N, is only 13 months older than I am and we were and are two peas in a pod. My mom, nor N and I can remember fighting or arguing much growing up. Many people do not believe our youth could have been so idyllic but it was. It is such an amazing feeling to feel so at ease and comfortable with another human being. N and I are very, very different but we love and admire each other’s strengths. We understand the other’s shortcomings as we are well aware of our own. I understand the bond of twins as I think N and I have a similar connection.
It is not just my sisters that have been wonderful female influences but my friends as well. KR and I have known each other for many years and have traveled the country and seen each other walk the down many life paths and supported each other through many stages. There are moments in my life that stand out in my memories as being perfectly happy and content. Many of those moments were with KR. They were simple moments, sitting on her back porch sipping wine and admiring her garden. Or a night back in high school when we were laughing so hard our cheek muscles began to cramp while we rocked back and forth in a hammock and eating Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Climbing trips while I was driving and she was reading a hilarious novel aloud to pass the time.
I have not always had a large group of close friends but the friends I have mean so much to me. I have avoided relationships that feel false or forced. I have heard many women discuss the difficulties of their relationship with friends. I have seen the competition and strain that is prevalent amongst groups. I have not experienced this as my relationships with other women have been so healthy and supportive. When I see my girls play and laugh I see my sister and I in them. I hope they cherish each other and realize the amazing gift that a sister brings to your life. I hope they can realize the joy that a good friend can bring. I hope they are able to recognize their positive relationships and foster them for a lifetime.