Kristen R: Little White Lies

Monday night was a night of indulgence in my house. My husband cooked steaks — pink-centered filets encrusted with ground peppercorns. I roasted Brussel sprouts glazed in balsamic vinegar and maple syrup, and we cooked lemony angel hair pasta.

We rarely go out for such a meal anymore because my husband has perfected the filets here at home. He makes this red wine reduction sauce with mushrooms that pairs perfectly with a glass of red wine. It’s all part of the indulgence.

And I gave in. I gave in knowing that I would enjoy a cocktail out with friends the following night to toast a friend turning 40. Did I mention I lamented the end of the weekend Sunday night with a glass of wine?

Yep: I broke my own rule (only two drinks per week) so early in the week. But the foodie in me just had to do it. I told myself it was OK because it was for the greater good of the amazing meal we made together on a hectic Monday. It was just a little white lie I told myself: Enjoy. Indulge. I chose to believe that just a small indulgence was OK, even if I knew I was lying to myself. For that moment, it was true and good.

I’ve given in to a voice like that before — during a bad run, on a bad day, or anytime I’m feeling vulnerable. It’s the voice that says I should just quit when a run is not going well or when something at work is not going my way. That negative voice can creep in so easily and twist my mood with the slightest hint of failure.

When I’m running is when it’s the loudest. In the past, the voice makes excuses as to why I shouldn’t run as far or why I’m feeling slow and sluggish. I believe its excuses — giving in to the voice — to avoid feeling like I’ve failed.

not to beat the other runnersI’ve learned, though, being consistent can help silence that negative voice. I can chalk a bad run up to a bad day — because bad days happen — and know that tomorrow will be better, even if it’s only slight.

I let that little voice inside my head dictate too many decisions. More often than not, it’s just the build up of excuses: I’m not fast enough or strong enough; I’m too tired; it’s harder than what I’m ready to take on; I won’t like making a change; I don’t have time.

They are little white lies I’ve chosen to believe and I’ve allowed them to hold me back. I’m ready to quiet that voice. I think this is one of the changes I see happening while I’m making it daily.

As for the other voice — the indulgent one — I’ll gladly listen to what it says any old day. It’s a voice that learned the art of indulgence living in New Orleans. She knows there’s logic and goodness to be had in enjoying a good meal served with the right drink — and the labor of such should be savored, even if it breaks a rule every now and again.

Gotta run!
Kristen R.

200. Boom!

200. Boom!

KHP Art Below

KHP - Winter's last stand my foot! Another storm is on the way.  Hurray! Happy Spring in the Northeast

KHP – Winter’s last stand my foot! Another storm is on the way. Hurray! Happy Spring in the Northeast

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About Kristen R.

Counting down to 40, while juggling motherhood, marriage, the corporate grind & middle-of-the-pack running. It's OK to point & laugh. http://mamaontherunblog.wordpress.com
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10 Responses to Kristen R: Little White Lies

  1. wwwmama says:

    Oh, I know both of those voices well! They battle all the time. I am trying not to quit as much, to get into the habit of saying no, or yes as it may be. Part of me is afraid to go too much one way; I pride myself on not getting sucked into dangerous eating disorder ways of thinking or even just the idea that we should never indulge. But too often I am too far in the other direction, not having self-control or not reaching goals that are good goals to have. Last year at this time, I set a goal of breaking 24 mins for a 5k. A good goal, and one within reach. Have I met that goal? No! But this week, I reminded myself of it and logged a 24:52 on the treadmill, so if I can quiet that quitter’s voice more often, I can get there, I just know it. And I’m on day 5 of no pasta! Woo hoo! That meal sounds DIVINE. I must have the recipe and tips for the wine sauce.

    • khpixler says:

      I know both voices as well and I know the magic T can create on the grill. The wine was a must. Right now I feel as I am listening to the indulgent voice more than I should this happens when I am fatigued. I naturally am a 7 hour sleeper. These days I am not getting that. It is something that came to light with kids. My body does not like the lack of sleep. It effects every function of my being Even with this I am doing incredible comparably to this time last year under similar circumstances. So to this it is a massive improvement and one that I am so proud of. Miss you. Thinking of good meals and wine in the back yard.

      • Kristen R. says:

        I need all my sleep, too – and cannot function too long without getting it regularly. Here’s to good meals and wine being shared in the near future!

    • Kristen R. says:

      I’m so impressed with your 5k speed. The three if us would make a good relay team: you would dominate the 5ks and Kristen and I could plod away at the longer distances.

  2. Hello Kristen,
    Just a quick message to ask if you would be interested in a ‘mutual’ following on twitter. I am currently following you now and am awaiting for your follow-back. (#FYI I do RT’s ‘anytime’ for all #Triathletes #Cyclists #UltraRunners #Marathoners #FitnessProfessionals who follow me on Twitter and have something important they want mentioned for support…)

    All the very best to you & your family for 2013 & beyond Kristen. Look forward to hearing from you…

    Darin
    twitter.com/DarinArmstrong
    #TeamLIVESTRONG

  3. lehorse says:

    Great post and as most i have the same voices and couldn’t agree more in regards to silencing the running white lies but on the odd day embracing that voice that says its ok to have that glass/bottle of wine with a beautiful juicy steak …… Hungry now 🙂

  4. Pingback: Kristen R: December Reflections No. 3 – The Voice Within | Making It Daily

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