Today I had a crew of excited, sweet kids running through my house with party hats and chocolate covered faces. Boys and girls a like, were dressing up and painting toenails. The pool was set up and the sprinkler was turned on. I loved watching the children jump from watching Batman cartoons to playing princess to splashing water at each other in the plastic blow up pool in the yard. LP turned 6 today. She will celebrate with family and friends this weekend but today we had a couple close buddies come over to mark the day. It was such a fun day with good friends but I could not help feel torn in my emotions.
LP shares a birthday with 2 cousins one that was born 3 years prior and one that was born last year. It is amazing to have 3 kin born on the same day. Last year at this time I was standing in the waiting room nervously awaiting the news of my nephews birth. My sister went into labor at 24 weeks. There was an infection, he was fragile, he blessed this world for 12 hours before leaving us again. My sister would not want me to talk about this nor would she want to take away from LP’s celebration. I will respect that leaving only the facts but my heart is aching for their loss and mine. I want to remember, I want to look forward but there is a puzzle piece missing. My love is sleeping sweetly next to her sister and my nephew is floating all around us; like his daddy’s music seeping out of the ivories on the piano. Today, I am filled with love, I am filled with gratitude, sadness and remembrance.