KHP – Fall Abstractions

Today is a gloomy day in the Pennsylvania. I think the mixture of feeling a little PMSy, the light rain, the clouds, really cold weather on the way and feeling a little overwhelmed with projects is bringing me down. This week I hit another wave of work. The past couple of weeks I have been enjoying a slower schedule, sleeping more and spending time with the family. It seems that it was a brief reprieve. I have had a few reality checks this week. I have been watching my class enrollment numbers and things are not looking good. My Design Fundamentals class filled up in a matter of days but my Vector Graphics class and the Web Publishing course have only 4 students each. These classes are sure to be cancelled for the spring semester. So now I feel in limbo once again. Earlier this week , I was feeling relieved by this knowledge. It made my decision simple, it is time to start floating my resume for a real job. I was excited with the thought but lamented that this might end my higher-education career dreams. Do I care? I am not sure. I am ready to stop feeling like I am going to get somewhere soon and I am ready to be there now. I am tired of staying up all night and working on the weekends and never having a moment where there is not something hanging over my head. I am sick of feeling like I am dependent upon all of these risk factors to workout rather than simply having a place to go in the morning, a regular schedule and yes, with a regular paycheck. I need that, it is not sexy or exciting but I like that security. I have only had that for a short time when I was teaching full time in Richmond. I know my husband feels I should focus on my business but it is another long hard road that I am not sure I am willing to travel. I don’t need to have the high powered corporate job; that is Matt’s position in our family. I want to find a place that can use my skill set and a place that I can continue to grow.

It is Friday night, Matt and I have a little desert and drink date planned. This is a rare treat, one that I should be thrilled about. I should be thrilled that Thanksgiving is around the corner. My family is coming into town and I will get to wrap myself up in their warmth and fun. Next Thursday at this time, I will be sitting on the floor in my parent’s living room listening to my siblings play music and watching the kiddos dance while my mom heats up the pies for desert. I know the work to come will be worth it. My online courses will allow me to work from home or teach while I work a regular 9 to 5 job. I know floating my resume will provide options and hope. I know cranking out my 5+ freelance jobs will bring income to my family during Christmas shopping season. I need to wash off this feeling of funk and focus on the good things rather than this nagging unrest. It is just one of those days. It is the type of day that gets rinsed away with a good night’s rest.

I love doing this, really pushing the capabilities of my lens.  It is hard to find a situation that you can really use this type of extremely shallow depth of field.  I really like the abstractions you can get and of course the line work.

I love doing this, really pushing the capabilities of my lens. It is hard to find a situation that you can really use this type of extremely shallow depth of field. I really like the abstractions you can get and of course the line work.

A sign that winter is near.

A sign that winter is near.

Nothing like a little oil droplets in the pond.

Nothing like a little oil droplets in the pond.

This one reminds me of a christmas tree ornament.

This one reminds me of a christmas tree ornament.

This one feels like you are falling into a hole or trying to see what is down the tunnel.

This one feels like you are falling into a hole or trying to see what is down the tunnel.

We still have a month left of fall and I feel like we should be saying goodbye.  Winter is coming.

We still have a month left of fall and I feel like we should be saying goodbye. Winter is coming.

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About khpixler

Freelance artist, photographer, illustrator, designer, athlete, wife and mom of two beautiful girls. Trying to make it daily. https://makingitdaily.wordpress.com/about/
This entry was posted in Kristen R., Photography, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to KHP – Fall Abstractions

  1. formyfrog says:

    It’s rather like the photographs reflect how you’re feeling — an object focused in the foreground while the background is nebulous. I like them.

  2. wwwmama says:

    Gorgeous pictures! There are a lot of shoulds and needs in this post, but I just see all you have done and are still doing. It’s ok to take a rest and also to want to be settled in one job. I felt that a lot when I worked several jobs…so exhausting. Enjoy more dessert breaks; that’s my advice!

    • khpixler says:

      I thought you might understand this feeling but now you are on the other side. I am ready to be on the other side. More desert breaks is a solid advice.

      • wwwmama says:

        I can definitely relate to the feelings. I am so there with you. There’s a lot ahead to gear up for. People say the holidays are so great, and they are, but there’s so much work that comes with them, and there’s emotional work too. Is there any chance of any me-time? Hope so. Maybe we should schedule another half-marathon and skip the race and just have a little getaway next month (that would be so lovely!) 🙂

      • khpixler says:

        Yeah, we definitely need to schedule a non-event get together so we can really spend quality time without the worries. Lovely, I agree:))

  3. Kristen R. says:

    I really like these images — and I am feeling your mood in them, and I share the mood (winter’s approach mixed with a little PMS). 🙂

    • khpixler says:

      I am feeling better today, the sun is out and hormones have leveled. I still have lots to do and figure out in the months to come. I was definitely feeling moody when I took these.

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