Today is a gloomy day in the Pennsylvania. I think the mixture of feeling a little PMSy, the light rain, the clouds, really cold weather on the way and feeling a little overwhelmed with projects is bringing me down. This week I hit another wave of work. The past couple of weeks I have been enjoying a slower schedule, sleeping more and spending time with the family. It seems that it was a brief reprieve. I have had a few reality checks this week. I have been watching my class enrollment numbers and things are not looking good. My Design Fundamentals class filled up in a matter of days but my Vector Graphics class and the Web Publishing course have only 4 students each. These classes are sure to be cancelled for the spring semester. So now I feel in limbo once again. Earlier this week , I was feeling relieved by this knowledge. It made my decision simple, it is time to start floating my resume for a real job. I was excited with the thought but lamented that this might end my higher-education career dreams. Do I care? I am not sure. I am ready to stop feeling like I am going to get somewhere soon and I am ready to be there now. I am tired of staying up all night and working on the weekends and never having a moment where there is not something hanging over my head. I am sick of feeling like I am dependent upon all of these risk factors to workout rather than simply having a place to go in the morning, a regular schedule and yes, with a regular paycheck. I need that, it is not sexy or exciting but I like that security. I have only had that for a short time when I was teaching full time in Richmond. I know my husband feels I should focus on my business but it is another long hard road that I am not sure I am willing to travel. I don’t need to have the high powered corporate job; that is Matt’s position in our family. I want to find a place that can use my skill set and a place that I can continue to grow.
It is Friday night, Matt and I have a little desert and drink date planned. This is a rare treat, one that I should be thrilled about. I should be thrilled that Thanksgiving is around the corner. My family is coming into town and I will get to wrap myself up in their warmth and fun. Next Thursday at this time, I will be sitting on the floor in my parent’s living room listening to my siblings play music and watching the kiddos dance while my mom heats up the pies for desert. I know the work to come will be worth it. My online courses will allow me to work from home or teach while I work a regular 9 to 5 job. I know floating my resume will provide options and hope. I know cranking out my 5+ freelance jobs will bring income to my family during Christmas shopping season. I need to wash off this feeling of funk and focus on the good things rather than this nagging unrest. It is just one of those days. It is the type of day that gets rinsed away with a good night’s rest.